Opinion

Rules to Live By (or, Things My Mother Has Taught Me)

1. Life is not fair

(Especially in Public School)

 2. You’ve got to be fast

(Told to me after a screen door slammed shut on my hand)

3. Always check the oven before you pre-heat

(Because something might be in there already. For my mother, it was Tupperware. For a friend of mine, it was a live snake.)

4. You can use Red Vines as straws

(Environmentally friendly — and won’t squeak in the lid of your movie-theatre-purchased soda)

5. Never turn down an opportunity for travel

(Small distances, long distances…she didn’t specify. Knowing her, though, things such as trips to the grocery store and “I need a ride to the airport” don’t count. “I need a ride from Hollywood to Ojai,” however, does apply. Get going.)

6. Don’t put squash seeds down the garbage disposal; they’ll rattle around like goofy

(Direct quote)



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